Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

A man’s only as old as the woman he feels.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

All people are born alike – except Republicans and Democrats.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

I didn’t like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions – the curtain was up.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

Humor is reason gone mad.

Either he’s dead or my watch has stopped.

I don’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.